Yesterday was a tough day for Arthur and Iris. Lily and Iris were playing, then Lily called Iris a "stinker" and Iris got so upset that she hit Lily in the head with their play stethoscope. Lily had a pretty good size bruise starting by the time we got in there to see what happened.
Iris' reaction lately is just to hit Lily for whatever Lily does that Iris doesn't like. It's unnerving some days; Lily doesn't even have to do much for Iris to hit her. I don't exactly know how to stop it. We have tried calm talks, we've tried time outs, spankings, removal of privileges, etc. Nothing seems to stick with her. We have explained that we, as the parents, spank when they've done something wrong, not just because they've done something we don't like. We told her we have that job, as parents, to discipline but she does not because she is not a parent. She says she gets it, but soon after she's back at it.
Arthur sat with Iris for a good 15 minutes yesterday after her spanking, to talk to her about why she does it, why she shouldn't, and how it hurts us to see her do that to her own sister. The only thing that I've ever seen make somewhat of an impact on her was telling her that if other kids see her hitting her own sister, they might think it's ok then to hit Lily too...since Iris isn't defending her. Iris didn't like that too much and said she'd stop hitting Lily. It didn't last too long, though. Whether or not that was the right thing for us to say to her, it seemed to make sense. How are other kids going to see Lily, if her own sister is hitting her? They may just think it's no big deal to hit her if she does something they don't like. I'd hope not, but it's a possibility I suppose.
I noticed that Arthur seemed pretty down after he talked with Iris. His eyes were glossy like he wanted to cry. I asked him if he wanted to talk or if anything was wrong, but he said no to both. I know it hurt him to see Iris act that way, and I know he takes it personally when they hurt each other. I am not sure how to comfort him except to say that they are still pretty little and have to be repeatedly shown how to act right. I just don't want him to think it's his fault that our 3 and 4 year old girls don't treat each other the best. I chuck it up to their age and being so close that they fight for control or attention. He see it as him failing. :(
Hopefully Iris will begin to understand soon. She is such a great helper and leader when she wants to be. I just want to be able to show her how things work much better when we treat each other right.
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