I have never felt so impatient! This baby is really starting to tease me with all these contractions. I can't get any of them strung together in a timely manner enough to go to the hospital! I would love to have him already and see how beautiful he is and bring him home, but I guess he's just not ready yet.
I scared myself last night a little. We went to bed after I had several strong contractions (nothing that could be timed very well or getting closer together). I was lying on my right side and the baby starting kicking and moving around fast and hard. He hadn't moved so much in several days - I had assumed he is running out of room to thrash around as usual. :) So, I took notice when he start squirming very fast and was pushing on my side very hard. I rolled over to my left side to get him to maybe switch positions or calm down, and he just stopped moving completely. All I could think was how my OB had told me once that it is possible for the cord to tighten around the baby's neck - the baby would act frantic and then just stop moving; she advised me to call them if that ever happened and I was concerned.
So, of course, last night that's the first and only thing I'm thinking about when he just stops moving completely. I laid very still to see if I could feel even a flutter. Nothing.
Then, I was slightly pushing on my left side to move him a little, thinking maybe he had just fallen asleep very quickly. Nothing again.
I didn't move, didn't say anything to Arthur, and just started to worry. I began praying, asking God to have the baby move just once so I would KNOW he was ok and not get too freaked out. It took a good minute or two, but the baby FINALLY kicked again. WHEW!!! I was so scared for that minute. I have been so looking forward to having him, that I was afraid to think of losing him.
Now today, all I'm thinking is "let's have this baby already, so I don't get scared like that again!" :) But, once he's here there are a whole new set of things to worry about. It's never-ending, really. Parents will always worry about something for their children. But, I think there's a balance between being concerned for the child's safety and trusting God to hold them and keep them safe. I tend to forget that second part when it comes to my kids. I try too hard sometimes to shield them, and I think it backfires. Or I go nuts some days just thinking of the awful things out there in the world.
My prayer is that God will help me to relax, to trust Him, to understand I don't control anything except my own actions. He knows the future - good or bad. Everything works for His good, even if I can't see it that way some times.
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