Last night when we laid down to sleep, I was thinking about grocery shopping (I think I was starting to dream) and pictured myself stuck in a line and couldn't get out. I felt trapped and like I couldn't breathe. I woke up and felt really weird, like I couldn't get a deep breath. Arthur was asleep, and I almost woke him up but decided to just do my lamaze breathing :) and finally felt better. It was so strange. I don't know if it's pregnancy related or if I'm just overwhelming myself too much during the day with getting things done that at night even my dreams are about my stresses. So strange.
I am so ready to have the baby. Physically, I am exhausted - I can't get comfortable at night, my legs are restless from about 6pm on and that has become very annoying. I remember having restless legs with the other pregnancies, but nothing like this. They ache and I can't get comfortable at night while we watch the news - I feel like I want them propped up, then I want them down, then up, etc. In bed, they feel heavy and just not comfy lying still. And I am so limited on what I can do around the house and with the girls. Everything makes me out of breath, bending over squishes my tummy, lifting hurts my tummy muscles. Mentally - I am so frustrated with my physical limitations, that I get grouchy pretty early on each day now. I have so many lists in my head, and they all seem like logical and necessary lists but I just can't do them. And stubborn me just doesn't trust anyone to do it for me. Emotionally - I am ready to cry by noon practically every day now. Yesterday I cried in the car after we shopped at Meijer and ended up spending more than I wanted to. I bought an extra five pound bag of white rice and an two pound bag of brown rice and a few other items to stock up on, so I knew it would be more but for some reason I just started crying in the car. I wanted to call Arthur so bad and just talk to him but I knew he had a busy day. I felt like I had wasted our budgeted grocery money. I still had 2 boxes of diapers to buy (one for baby, one for Addy - with a good Target deal...that ended up not working out anyhow because they were out of one of the sizes. ugh!), and I felt like I was running short on the cash. Plus, I had fresh food at our market here to buy still and a mother's day gift for the 2 Grandmas and a birthday gift for Iris' friend. And the list goes on! I just felt behind and that I'd never get back on top of the money thing.
So, as soon as Saturday comes (36 weeks!), I am ready. :) I'm sure my doctors would like me to wait until at least after my 36 week appt next Monday, just to be sure baby is ready.
I feel like my last few posts have been about my worries and stresses and needing to just BREATH. Perhaps I should start taking that advice. :)
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